dear friends

It's been a while, I've switched jobs and haven't had much chance to do anything. On the downside, I've only received one secret to post, so nobody missed much.

On the vasectomy vs. fuck post, it's hard to calla winner yet.
I've definitely gotten more, but the fights have come back too in a vengeance, so I'm not sure yet

I doubt I will ever tell you

But Friday night, my birthday, I cried myself to sleep.

update

I promised in the last post or so that I would keep sort of a running tally of the number of fucks versus the number of fights since my vasectomy reversal, and I have been negligent so far, so here goes.

For a short (and might I add happy) period of time it seemed that the fucks were out pacing the fights, in the first two weeks after the last post there were 3 fucks and only one fight. Unfortunately, but predictably, the fights have rallied and overcome their deficit. We are still at three fucks (so the quick math people here can tell I haven't been getting any in the past month or so) while the fights are now at 4.

And just for clarification, a simple argument or disagreement does not count as a fight. Those are far too common. For it to be counted as a fight it would have to involve, screaming, accusations (especially the one where she goes "you are just like your mother") and periods of prolonged silence (Oh blessed are they :P)

John D'eau

Fakesend.com

I received this email from the guy who runs Fakesend.com:

Just wanted to drop you a note to let you know that I'll be bringing FakeSend.com back online.

Let me know if you'd like me to try and add any new features that would help your sites visitors out or something.

I know its been pretty unreliable lately, but then again I've been pretty busy.

Thanks,

So hopefully it'll work better soon, and if there's something you, dear visitor, would like to see added there, let me know.

John

Let's keep tabs here.

This is a post from your faithful chronicler, John D'eau. :)

I had my vasectomy reversed a week ago because you really want another child after all, and hopefully this will also make you feel better about yourself and us.
I think it won't make a difference.
So I'm going to keep track of two key variables on this blog:
- the number of times we have sex.
- the number of fights we have.
I predict that a year from now we'll have had more fights than fucks.

I do like the shaved dick though, I think I'll keep it like that.

John.

Sex was good

But I wish it hadn't have been 5 months since the last time.
Please can you try a bit harder to want to have sex with me. I have asked you numbers of times now if it is me but you keep telling me its not.
When I joke about sex, even if its not aimed at you tell me its disgusting or wrong, I'm joking about thats all and there is nothing disgusting about sex.
Please let the next time not be in 5 months time.

We had S-E-X

I think this is one of those times where I received an emailed confession through an anon email service, and got it late. The original confessor must've rewritten it and send it again.
John

even though it happened years ago, i still think about it from time to time with very mixed emotions. I never filled you in on everything that happened between her and I, and I probably never will. We fucked. Hard. Not just that day that we got caught together but several times before then and later after that time. A complicated entanglement that started months before our marriage lasted well into the first year of it. I never told you the whole truth because I didn't want to hurt you any more than I had to.

But I miss her.

I love you and always will.

But I miss her.

I think about her often and would jump at the chance to reconnect with her even if only for a clandestine hour or so of unbridled passion. I would never share this fact with you because you wouldn't understand how I could want her and you both. So as much as it eats me up, I keep quiet about it. Sometimes when I'm silent you ask me what I'm thinking.

I usually lie because I'm thinking her.

fakesend emails

OK, I have just been told by a visitor that fakesend does not work anymore. I tested it, and true enough, they do not arrive. That might explain the emails I had regarding posts that were never made.

Anyway, I will look into finding another anonymous mailer to use.
I really wish I knew how to make a post box like I've seen on some other sites, where any visitor can post directly to the blog. If anyone knows how to do that, please let me know.

John.

we had S-E-X

I told you that it was only a one-time thing that didn't lead to
anything more than some wandering hands and a lengthy kiss. I said all
that because I knew that much would hurt you and i didn't want to hurt
you anymore than I already had. Also I didn't want you to leave, and I
feared that you might.

She and I fucked. Hard. Heavy fucked. Not just that time either. That
was the time we got caught. The entanglement started months before that
and went on well into the first year of our marriage before it fizzled out.
I really miss her still even though that was several years ago.

I don't regret it, but somehow I regret not regretting it if that makes
sense. I wish we hadn't been caught that day. Sometimes i wish you
knew the whole story. Most of the time though, I'm glad you don't.
Real glad.

A confession

Ok, honey, its time to come clean. I can't do that to your face, so
I'm doing it here.
You know that video tape we have, the one that has parts of our honeymoon
and other times of us banging? I showed it to my buddies. Yep. All of them.
They agree with me, too. You have a nice ass, and the nips are perfect. But
you could show a lot more enthusiasm when you suck it. Also, just so I’ve
put it all out here, I told them they could try you out, if they can talk
you into it. They have a $100 bet going who will be the first to yank your
panties off.
I can’t wait to see THAT video.
Love ya!

it's been a while

I have not received too many confessions just yet, although they do trickle in. Visitors keep coming, so that is a good sign, just need more people to tell me their dirty little secrets.
I have received an email from someone asking me why I never put up a confession they sent in, to which I replied I never received one. Rest assured, I will put up any and all confessions that I receive, unless they are confessions of something that is clearly against the law.

John D'eau

A confession

So I know I told you I hate Valentine's Day, and I do. But
I made you a card and a CD with cheesy songs on it. You said
it made you cry and that you keep it under your pillow. How
sweet. But why couldn't you get me a card? Or even a single
sentence on a Post-It note? I guess I don't mean much to you.

And I know why you don't want certain people to know we're
seeing each other. I understand. But why do you go to such
lengths to hide us from &*everyone* else in the world? It
makes me feel like you're ashamed of me.

You came over to my hose the other week after D. asked you
to marry him again. If you have no intention of doing so,
why did you keep the ring? You told *him* that you would
"think about it," but you told me there is no way you'd ever
marry him. I used to think you were lying to him, but now I
wonder if it's not me that is being lied to.

If you're not feeling it for me, that's cool. But why string
me along? I don't understand you, and I don't think that I
ever will. Our mutual friend that you had the big
"misunderstanding" with? She says she wants to slap you
because you're being so mean to me.

And I happen to know that you won't be able to go to my
birthday party. I wonder when you'll bother to tell me.

I know you're life is not easy. I know you face a lot of
challenges. I know that it really, truly sucks to be you
sometimes. I wish I could help you, I wish I could fix things
for you. But I can't. You're the only one who can.

I love you. I want you to be happy because you deserve it.
But I deserve it too. If you don't want me, if you can't
respect me, if you can't appreciate me... just let me go.

I'll live.